Science Backed Goal Setting
You are sitting next to your computer shouting angrily. I just can't do it! No matter what I do I just can't seem to make any progress with women! Any time I try I just back away the anxiety is just too great... You swipe your arm at the table sending a glass globe shattering on the floor dripping out water all over your new carpet. Everyone in the community seems to say if you try hard enough you will get good some day. That's cool and all, but honestly what the hell does that mean? I think almost all of us have problems taking action every now and then, but today I'm going to start to show you how to set effective goals that will make taking the action much easier. I'm going to base my knowledge of goal setting not mostly on my own, but on the thousands of scientific studies performed on it. The main points to goal setting are setting goals that are specific, short term, and challenging.(Bandura 1997; schunk & zimmerman, 2006)
A fuzzy nonspecific goal is “I want lots of women.” A more concrete goal would be something like “I want 1 new woman by the end of this week”
It is ok to set long term goals, but it works best if you set short term goals in order to attain them, so instead of focusing on all of your night game focus on a specific skill for a few days, and then pick a new specific skill after that. Baby steps will add up. You may say I hear that all the time, duh?! The question I ask you though is have you actually done it?
Another good strategy is to make sure your goals are challenging (Anderman & Wolters, 2006) You will be much more likely to do these. Easy goals are boring. Challenging ones keep you aware of what's going on. It's like working a job in a factory doing the same repetitive task over and over versus doing something you actually love. Learn to love women and the process of meeting them and this journey will be much easier and fun. One thing to avoid is setting impossible goals though this will only lower you confidence and make you feel like a failure over and over again.
I final tip is that your goals are positive. Pick something you want to accomplish not something you want to avoid. Researchers have found that the pursuit of avoidant goals is associated with bad performance and stress. (Elliot & Sheldon, 1999).
On motivation, I know sometimes I sit there thinking hey I should do this, or I should do that. The fact is though that we only do what we want to do. Do you actually want to get women, or are you do you want to sit in front of the computer and play wow all day? Until you decide that you actually want this, that it's something you have wanted all your life and you are willing to put forth the effort to attain it you will not succeed. I mean maybe it's just me, but I really want the feeling a woman can give me. The ways she can point out things I never knew about myself, help me grow as a man, and the blowjobs. Seriously who doesn't want blowjobs? Are you gay? I know it sounds painful to approach a woman, but like I said start small. Baby steps is the way to go, and believe me that bit of pain at first is very much worth how great you will feel later for at least having tried. If you fail a couple times that's fine. Kids that are learning to walk fall a lot, but obviously we get it at some point or there'd be a shitload of parapelegics. Learning this is the same way.
Good luck,
Tyler
Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy. New York: Freeman.
Schunk, D. H., & Zimmerman, B. J. (2006). Competence and control beliefs: Distinguishing the means and the end.
Anderman, E. M., & Wolters, C. A. (2006). Goals, values, and affect: Influences on student motivation
Elliot, A. J., & Sheldon, K. M. (1999) Avoidance personal goals and the personality-illness relationship.
How to talk about a crappy job
Our question today asks
"hey Ty,
I collect rubbish/garbage for a living, yet im waiting to start University to study dentistry.
even though i have NO PROBLEM with my occupation, girls tend to recoil when they find out what i do.
ive tried mystery's way of telling girls about your ambitions but it tends to be long-winded and needs alot of already built confort, and i find in set people tend to ask early on, even if i give a smart arse answer, they tend to press for an answer!
ive also tried saying that im a student etc, but end up being found out that im lying when on the second meet. (this really makes me look uncool btw!)
I know for a fact people will write that i should just fuck girls off who have a problem or say its thier problem, but i think that ideological babble, that realistically people cant help thier own stereotypes of certain jobs and my inner game is strong enough to believe that when i reach that hook and i can build comfort for them to fall for me,
i just believe that im missing out on alot of sex!!! (or a meaningfull relationship??)lol
i need your feed back!!!!"
Tyler at confidencedynamics.com
says that:
why not be upfront about it. The best thing I ever did for myself was to be genuine and honest. You seem to want to hide it.. screw that. If you want to take this advice to the max you could even use it to talk to new girls.
You: hey guys would you ever date a trash collector if he was cute and funny?
them: sure I guess if I liked him.
You: cool I'm Tom
if you want to use it further on in conversation I like to
Ask her what she does first
Her: I'm a teacher
You: cool what is it that you like about teaching
Her: I love that I'm giving back to society and making the world a better place through our children
You: (rewarding her for sharing) wow you are very generous, I like that about you.. See my job lots of people may look down on me for it, but I get that same feeling of giving back to society and helping make the world a better place when I do my job.
Her: what do you do?
You: I'm a trash collector, it's really intriguing to see all the crazy stuff people throw away. We are so wasteful you know? Do you ever waste stuff?
Her:(will probably totally ignore the part about being a trash collector because your passion for helping the world completely overshadows it)
What I'm trying to demonstrate here is that it's not what you do, but how you feel about what you do. If you have reasons that being a trash collector is a good thing then you should focus on those. Focus on all the good that's coming out of what you are doing. Without you guys my house would look really bad and no chick would ever come back here. You are an asset in nearly every guy having any girls involved in his life at all. Think about how many guys trash you've taken? Think about how all those guys wouldn't have gotten a girlfriend if mold and flies were everywhere flying around. You could be the biggest cause of guys even having girls in their life in awile. So to you my friend... respect.
Bantering 101
Girl: Do these jeans make my ass look fat?
Ty: Well I don't think a pair of jeans can make your ass look fat hun, but do these boxers make my balls look small?
Girl: well sure I told you to get the higher thread count lol
Ty: hmmm well how about you give me some of your threadcount from those jeans it'll make your ass look smaller and my balls look bigger eh?
What is this an example of? Here I'll give you another one.
(I had taken a Girl to the botanical gardens)
Girl: I'm sooo sunburned!
Ty: oh really where at?
Girl: like my face and only one of my shoulders probably from you shoving me in the bush
Ty: lol well obviously its from shoving you in the bush I was nice enough to save one of your shoulders from getting burned, see I got your back.
Girl: Well obviously you should shove me into bigger bushes
Ty: Actually I like small bushes why don't you get a smaller bush?
Girl: My bush is nonexistent
Ty: ohhh sexy I bet nair's stock just tripled
Girl: yes I even got enough for you
Ty: oh joy
Girl: oh yes, be over in a bit
Ty: aw shit
Understand the pattern yet? The common thing between both of these scenarios is the playful banter going back and forth. Learning flirty banter is possible and will help you in many situations. It will increase your natural social intuition, your sense of humor, and will make a Girl attracted to you and comfortable with you very quickly. Generally we only playfully tease our close friends like this, but if you can learn to tease a woman in the same way you do friends while still being sexual with it then a Girl will feel as if she has known you for much longer than she actually has. Teaching banter skills is very similar to teaching how to have a sense of humor, however there are a few differences. The first is that banter can be learned very quickly as it is nothing much more than arguing with a smile. The key to banter is a playful attitude. Think about how you would tease a little sister if you have one, or if you don't go babysit a child or work at a daycare for a bit. One of the purest sources of playfulness that I've learned from is children. People seem to lose this playful nature when they become adults. Authority figures in their attempts to control us and make us conform to patterns of behavior they believe will help us tend to punish playfulness because many times it leads to undesirable behavior. Children have not had this part of them killed yet, and the things they can teach us about letting our playful side out are quite amazing. If you aren't comfortable with children around a lack of playfulness could be the reason. You may say Ty, that's all fine and good, but I still think I can't banter because I'm not smart enough to banter, I've never been quick witted. I am way too serious to do banter very easily. Ah you aren't witTy huh, well that's fine neither am I. It's not really about being quick witted its about using your imagination in a logical way.
Ty: Man slushees give me bitchin brain freezes
Girl: maybe your brain is always frozen! :p
Ty: it's possible that'd be awesome you should drink like 6 slushees and we could be brain freeze buddies.
Girl: I'm not sure I want my brain frozen
Ty: Hey, you want some slushee?
Girl: Sure drinks some slushee
Ty: haha too late one sip and your brain is frozen we brain freeze buddies now.
Girl: lol hmm, so I guess we can never kiss because your brain might melt and you could die.
Ty: actually if you melted my brain down I could become a genius and cure cancer, you are for curing cancer right?
Girl: yea I guess so
Ty: Well I guess the fate of the world is in whether you kiss me or not
Girl: hmmm
Ty:, but screw it I like my brain freeze too much to let you kiss me anyways haha, plus Girls have cooties
I will finish that here, but you notice how I through in yet another line that would cause more banter at the end there. It's very easy to do just say things that are surprising and playful and argue them out. If you are always serious this may be of some difficulty to you, but fear not it is quite easy if you just put a few minutes practice in every day. You don't even have to banter with hot Girls just yet, try it on people that won't judge you first just until you get the hang of it. I'm sure you will grow to love it.
send any questions to tyler@confidencedynamics.com